Submitted by: Lucy O’Brien
Should you be able to expect a smooth ride during dating? It is highly unlikely that this is going to happen. There are bound to be times when things might get a bit rocky but this doesn’t mean that you can’t succeed at dating. Perhaps he’s not too sure what he wants from you or you feel that you don’t know where you stand. If you sense that he is pulling away, do not push to get him back. It will not work. At these times you need to exercise patience and hold back. Read on to find out why and what you should be doing to bring him back again.
Sometimes in relationships you have to put the other person first. This is especially so when you feel him pull away. Men have a habit of withdrawing when they need to work things out in their own minds. If you are already feeling somewhat insecure, this can serve to exacerbate the problem for you. However, at these times you need to stop and think. His actions are telling you something. Now is not the time to act impulsively. At these times, if you push to get your own needs met without considering his, you will push him away. You pile on too much pressure when you insist that he meet your demands when he does not want to. If you want to succeed at dating, there are times when you have to stand back and see what he is willingly prepared to give, however disappointing that is.
When you push for what you want above what he wants, you will come across as selfish and immature, even when you are not. This may come from your expectations or from a false sense of entitlement. When you make demands that he doesn’t want to meet, you are actually putting your needs above his. He will think twice before committing to a relationship where he thinks you will put yourself before him and especially if you limit his options or his freedom. There are better ways to get your needs met.
On the other hand, if you listen to what he is saying with his words and actions – or lack of them – you can watch to see what kind of person he is. When appropriate, you can show him that you care enough to meet his needs and wishes, even above your own at times. In every communication where there is potential for conflict, it is always better to let him know that you always consider his feelings and wishes as much as your own and that you are not trying to force him into anything he does not feel able to give. He will then be able to relax with you, trust that you will not limit his freedom and start to feel safe to open up to you.
When you can meet his needs and accept him for whom he is, he will generally appreciate this and your show of maturity and selflessness will help to bring you closer together. Of course, there are times when you will find that the man you are dating is just not interested enough in your relationship and your only option will be to let him go. At these times remember that if it’s not meant to be then it won’t happen. Trying to pushing him into giving you what YOU want will not make your relationship work, so don’t go there.
Of course, this does not mean that you allow him to treat you inappropriately purely so you can keep your relationship. If you let him treat you as a doormat, then he will leave, but only after trampling all over you. Certainly don’t let him use or abuse you in any way. As far as your safety and keeping your dignity is concerned then you must certainly put yourself before him. To succeed at dating you must know when to back off, when to let him know that you are there for him and when to let him go if he is not meeting your needs.
So, if you want to succeed at dating, do not expect him to meet your needs above his. And do not push when he pulls away. If your new relationship feels like it is sliding do not try to hold on to it at all costs because it will not work. Sometimes you have to let him go in order to keep him. But do not panic. Keep your head and let him know that you are there, and you care about what he wants, but you also have your own needs. Then give him the space to decide. If it’s meant to be then it will be. When you can get the balance right between getting your own needs met and meeting his then you can be sure of a great relationship and a great future together.
About the Author: To succeed at dating and find a strong, loving relationship, you need to understand how attraction works for your man. Visit
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